February 26th, 2004
|10:17 am - Stability|
I like stability. This can be a good thing, and I guess it can be a bad thing as well.
I stuck with my last job for nearly four years. Nearly continuous desire on Dee's part to move home to L.A. never was enough to put my gears in motion. Then last year, for New Year's, I resolved that I wasn't going to let life pass me by. I had a friend out here, granted that I had met only online. The situation at the current job was still going downhill, and I was worried about my job. The stars aligned, and I broke (with difficulty) my "status quo" mentality and moved out here.
I've whined and complained about the apartment, but when push comes to shove, it's a very nice apartment. Granted, no washer/dryer in unit, but the space works well for us. The job, despite the uncertainties, has always felt solid, at least for "another year." (Though the year keeps moving.) And Dee's happy.
Tomorrow is "decision day." I have two bits of stability to fight with. And I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to make the decision Dee wants.
The stability of job feels more important to me. That's money, and money provides for us. It can also provide trips to "come home", which is a lot easier on the West Coast--especially since it can be done without any airline connections. In a way, going up there last weekend was bad in that way as well, because we saw an apartment that could, again, work well for us--and it has a washer/dryer in unit.
The logical part in me says that it's more important to have a job than to live where I want to live. Given multiple options for jobs, you can live where you want to. But I've not heard back from the recruiter who thought he could get me an interview "this week". So, obviously, I am left to assume that has fallen through. So I'm back to no options here.
It seems that I lack the "experience" everyone wants. It keeps going up. It's always about 2 years more than I have. Most of the options that interest me want 7 years experience. The only exceptions are working in positions that require "clearance," something I've never been interested in. Even in college, I talked with the NSA about internships, and let it be when they explained the background check was required. I feel no need to allow the government to snoop into my life.
Granted, deciding not to move isn't an immediate job loss. I still have a job through the end of May, minimum, right here, and three more months of employment doing the jet-set to Silicon Valley three days a week. But I know I'm not going to enjoy the jet-set arrangement, and I doubt Dee will either. (And poor little Peanut might never forgive me...)
I think everyone, myself included, want to see me decide to stay here. If the situation were different, it may be an easy decision. But, truthfully, I don't have family to help me out here, and Dee can't provide for us. Realistically, I can't survive more than two months without a job. The job market isn't that strong, not even here.
Everyone says the job market in Silicon Valley is worse. But at this moment, I have a job to move into; it's not like I'm going there to job search.
I know the decision I should make... but I'm not sure I can make that decision. Depending on how things go, we can always move back here when another opportunity comes up. Heck, even if I accept relocation, I still have until May (at the earliest) to keep the job search going. But when that date comes around, I'd either have to quit, and be jobless, or move, and make Dee really unhappy.
Sometimes I wonder if I've fulfilled my purpose for Dee. She's back here. And now... now I feel that the "responsible" thing to do is to drag her away again. It's not that I want to make that decision, but I feel that I have to make that decision.
Relocating feels like the more stable option to me. Of course, I could always choose not to move and hope (pray?) that the company comes back with another offer. Rumors of that have been going around. But, honestly, I can't make a decision based on a rumor. And I should be honest with the company, and not try to play them. (Because when you try to play the company, things can get very bad, very fast, as evidenced by our former VP of Marketing...)
Two bad options, and I have to choose one. Option one: Dee happy, bank account uncertain, no money results in Dee being unhappy. Option two: Bank account certain (for a while), Dee unhappy. It feels like I could end up making Dee unhappy either way, but with a move... at least we could be comfortably unhappy.
Current Mood: confused
I just wanted to let you know that whatever you guys end up doing, you'll always have family here. We might not be able to financially keep you here... but we'll be here for you to come visit. And we'll come visit you when we can as well. And we'll be here willing to help move you again when the time comes to return to SoCal.
*huggles* You make the most of the now. Don't think you'll end up ultimately unhappy. If you think that way, then you will be. Work with the situation you have. Don't try to fight it. And if you do it right, you'll end up happy.
We need to talk more about this irl. Much easier... This sick girl is having hard time typing. hehe.
But yeah.... you will always have your friends here. We won't forget you if you move away.
|Date:||February 26th, 2004 02:41 pm (UTC)|| |
It's not people here forgetting me if I move away... it's Dee forgiving me if I say we're going to move...