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I want people to seek out my company. I never feel confident to put… - Sam's Journal

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April 8th, 2004

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11:30 pm
I want people to seek out my company. I never feel confident to put myself in a new situation, 'cause I so desire to fit in. I'm amazed at what happened when I came out here, and did exactly what I hate doing.

I hate it when I appear and things get quiet, or break up. I feel like I destroyed it. I put too much power into my presence.

It scares me. I don't understand what all this means. But I need to have it down, at least for myself.
Current Mood: scaredscared

(1 comment | Touch Me)


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Date:April 9th, 2004 03:37 pm (UTC)
I think your comment alone is proof that it's in my head.

The situation in point was a combination of things yesterday. It just seemed every time I walked in a room at work, people just got quiet, or disbursed. Very frequently. (Well, except when they came to find me because they needed assistance.)

Then I hopped in Second Life, and everywhere I went, I'd sit around and try to get into the conversation, but things just broke up. Video Games as a way to gauge your effect on people is a really bad approach, I know.

But it all just came to me, and I just felt that I needed to get it down. At least with my friends, it's not the case. Co-workers and random gamers can all go somewhere else. ^_^

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