December 29th, 2002


(no subject)

Quick entry... Lisana and I had a nice chat tonight. I learned a lot more about her family than I remember hearing before. I don't know that I'll remember all of it. But a lot of the conversation was about us being boring, us wanting to do other things, and how this will all fit together. I don't know, maybe tomorrow we'll figure more out.


Lisana made a good point to me yesterday. She asked if I had ever spent a Christmas away from my family. I haven't. It's not that I've wanted to spend Christmas wtih my family every year, but that my Mom can be very persuasive (ie, she can lay a mean guilt trip down) about the topic.

But then, I sorta feel weird. I have a "normal" American family. (What the hell is normal anyway?) No step-anythings, one sister, mother and father have been married for 27 years. Which sorta contrasts against Lisana's family. And almost every other family I hear about.

This makes me feel... outcast, different. Well, I don't think it's quite that extreme of a feeling. But it makes me feel different. I feel like I don't fit in with most people. I guess I want a different family, a better family. Not that I know what would make a better family. Which pretty much says I'm stuck with them.

So I look at my boring family, and I figure that I must fit in with them. So I'm boring. I don't want to spend time with my boring family, so why would anyone want to spend time with a boring me? It's terribly depressive at times. Especially early in the day.

I don't want to be boring, but... what the hell can I do? I don't know any exciting people. The closest friend I have here (not counting Lisana, because she's more than a friend) is a family guy with two children. (Of course, one of them was adopted by him when he married, as it was her child from a prior marriage. So even their family is different than mine!) Another friend (Anna) is 45 minutes away in Blacksburg, and I don't think of her as the party type.

She invited us over on New Year's Eve to go out to dinner and watch a basketball game (because she got the tickets through work). She also mentioned going to Blacksburg's First Night celebration. Every First Night I've heard of is a family deal, which isn't exactly the event for which I was looking.

I really need to get my hopes down, though. Nothing is going to change for a while. Not unless I find yet another friend online who happens to be a lot closer to my area. (If it happens, I'm gonna buy ten lottery tickets that day. I don't expect to be buying lottery tickets any time soon.)
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