April 3rd, 2003


Work Things...

The work goes well. Today, the guy who I would call (okay, will call) the lead developer gave me a "quiz" to see what I've picked up from the documentation I've been reading. He seemed a bit surprised that I was able to answer all the questions he posed to see if I really understood some of their design basics.

When we went to lunch, I also found out that I'm (a) the only person on my 4-person team with experience outside of this company, and (b) I'm older than two of the other people on my team as well. I don't know if these things are good or bad, so I'll just have to see.
  • Current Mood
    geeky geeky

Continuing Some Thoughts...

I read a lot into people's voices. I have a hard time believe what people tell me at times, due to the way it is said. And if I tell you something, repeating it back to me is guaranteed to not work.

I guess I journal a lot because I simply want an honest reaction from people. I want feedback. I want someone to look at what I've said and say that they've been there and they can sympathize. That they know the story and can say something to help.

I journal because I want attention.

I have a hard time asking for attention. Especially when it seems that other people have things they want to do/would rather be doing. I want people to make some fuss over me, but I don't feel that I can actually ask for it.

It's terrible. I can't ask for what I feel I need, and then I feel terrible when I don't get it. *sigh* Lose-lose situation.

I can't deal with other people. I try and do it, but I always worry if I'm going too far. If I'm offending someone and they don't want to tell me. *sigh*

I just want to find something to bang my head against. Just keep banging and banging my head.

After I get my medical going again (one month lag for medical benefits with the new job), I guess I should see a psychatrist/psychologist/something. *sigh*
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed