April 10th, 2003


My Morning...

Before we went to sleep last night, lisana asked me if we could try taking laundry out in the morning, so that she only would have to carry it back to the apartment. I guess I wasn't really enthusiastic about it... guess I just figured I'd end up sitting around for a bit waiting for her to get things together. I had wanted to get into work early today (9am), and figured that it might not work out...

I woke up at 6:59am. Turned the alarm off before it went off. Rolled over. Next thing I know, it's about 8:15am! Damn! So much for making the 9am target.

I did wake up in a very odd mindstate, though. I just needed hugs and some "I Love Yous" and little things. It was a normal morning for Lis, though, she was really quiet but really big on the hugs. And then, she went to pet Peanut, and told the kitty to relax... and I just sorta felt sad. And I told her as much... that I wanted her to do those kinda things with me.

And so we started talking. That she didn't want to do that because the last time she tried it (Saturday evening) I didn't take it well... *sigh*

From there... I guess I felt she had been very quiet with me since last weekend, and was worried that there was something she wasn't telling me. So we got into it a bit, discussed things, and tried to get her opinion on recent events.

We went through some sad and sorry feelings... but, at the end, we talked about things I needed to hear Lis talk about, and realized that I need to be less... ummm... stupid, and just tell her more of what I need from her.

Side note: usually, I hate telling people what I want to hear from them. Generally, it's because they'll echo the words right back to me, and therefore I'll assume that they're saying it to placate me, not because they mean it. It's a stupid behavior... and today, I told her what I needed to hear, and was hoping she would echo it back. I'm getting ready to accept that people won't echo things just to make me feel good, that they'll echo things only if they really mean it when it comes out of their mouth.

It's a step forward for me, at least...
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    contemplative contemplative

Unfamiliar Territory

Ah, Thursday night. The last night of the week before the weekend. Knowing that you only have one more day of work until you can have a nice, fun weekend. We'll just forget about all that nasty Monday stuff for the time being, and remember that weekends are great.

When you don't have friends around, Thursday night is pretty boring and simple. The weekend isn't that much different that weeknights, except that you can goof around all day if you want.

But now we have friends around. Friends who we could meet up with and do things with. When we first arrived, things were pretty easy... other people sorta pulled things together for us. Or, at least, it felt that way.

It's our fourth weekend in California. Getting close to a month since we arrived & signed the lease. And I feel that I should be putting something together, inviting people down to our place for something.

But there are just two problems there... first, I don't have a clue on entertaining guests. I mean... other than coming here to just hang out, I don't of anything to offer to do, except like video games or a movie or something. And secondly, with us being an hour away from most of our friends, I feel bad about inviting them down.

Let me explain... I guess, I feel that if I invite people down, they'll feel like they should accept the offer. And if there are multiple people coming, each driving down, then there are parking problems and the fact that they're all having to waste an hour getting down here, when if we came up that way only two of us would have to do the drive. Not to mention that the parking sucks if we don't get parking passes in time...

Beyond that... do I wait for someone to mention something to us? Do I ask people what's up this weekend? How do I keep myself from coming off as... ummm... crazy? Okay, so everyone knows I'm crazy already. How do I keep myself from sounding even crazier?

It's unfamiliar territory... I don't know how things are supposed to work. I don't want to appear stupid, naive, clueless, or anything. I don't want to bug people to where they feel pressured to include us.

*sigh* Of course... I know that most of my friends read my journal and will see this. I guess... I feel I can explain myself better in here than if I just started asking questions right off. Pretty hard to toss all of this into an IM before saying, "so, has anyone talked about D&D this weekend yet?" ^_^
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    melancholy melancholy