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I don't know what I want. I just know what I don't want... I feel… - Sam's Journal

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May 21st, 2002

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07:29 pm
I don't know what I want. I just know what I don't want...

I feel bad that I'm taking Prilosec every day. Before I went to the emergency room, I guess I considered myself rather healthy. Normal. The youthful "invicible, nothing bad happens to me." But that's changed. I need a drug to keep myself feeling good.

The heartburn/indigestion I had was... bad. Wish I could claw my stomach out bad. Nothing I could do would make it go away except to wait it out.

It's not been long, and the heartburn/indigestion only hit me maybe once a week. I'm afraid that it might come again, because it is so uncomfortable. But I hope it does come again, because then the drugs didn't help me at all and I don't need them. But if the drugs don't help... then what?

What did people do before there were drugs for everything? Before aspirin?

I don't want to know what that's like, although I always tended to skip medication. I am more likely to lay down in a dark room when I have a headache than to take an aspirin for it.

Or, at least, I used to be. My last trip to a doctor (an urgent care clinic) was when I had an annoying ache in my back that made movement difficult. Nothing major, but the doctor told me that I need to take 3 advils to get the normal effect because of my weight, and prescribed some 4x strength pills for the back pain.

Since then... I take more drugs. Why hurt if there's a drug for it?

I don't want to hurt anymore. But I wonder if using the drugs just makes you need more drugs...

I just haven't been "right" in my head since the emergency room visit. I need to figure out how to get myself back on track... I'm starting to think that, in addition to a visit to a family doctor, I need an appointment with a therapist. *sigh* But I don't want to be a confirmed crazy...

(Touch Me)

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